i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize