And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
