i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
