You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
