he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
