went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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