are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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