Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
