I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
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