He uses pillows to masturbate.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
