My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
