Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
