its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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