Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
