I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
