Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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