whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
