I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So vagazzling was a success
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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