Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
