I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Watching her eat just hurts me
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
