I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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