My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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