I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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