You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
