The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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