oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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