You're completely useless in the revolution.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
