Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
