end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
