I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
