i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
