what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
