i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
