i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
