so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
