saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
