tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
