??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
