So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
