I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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