Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
