do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
