I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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