Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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