why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
