so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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