I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
