The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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