8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
