i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
