i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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