You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Send help, water and tortillas.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize