he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
