i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
