She is in my trunk
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
