other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
