I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
