how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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