My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
