Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
