Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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