apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
