I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize