she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
