She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
