Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
