Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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