we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
no. you can't hotbox the world.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
