Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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