K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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