Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
