Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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