Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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