some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize