'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
