Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
