Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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