Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
