I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Someone shattered a urinal.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
